


Breath on a Flower

by TimeLadyoftheSith



Series: Prompt Generator Insanity [35]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Colormayfade Prompt Generator, Coping with Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Life Lessons, Sentence Prompt, Tender Nine, you may need tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 02:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14154363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeLadyoftheSith/pseuds/TimeLadyoftheSith
Summary: Rose fails to save the life of someone while apart from the Doctor. She blames herself, but the Doctor has a lesson to teach her about what she means in the whole of the universe.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning for drowning death

It had been three weeks since Rose had run into the TARDIS and been whisked away by the Doctor. It was hard to believe that it had been so short of time, when she felt like she had been with him for months. She had seen so much, been to so many amazing places, and experienced things she would remember forever. It hadn’t mattered, in these last three weeks, that she didn’t have her A levels, that she was just a shop girl raise by a single mom on the estates. Out in the expanses of time and space she could be anybody she wanted.

The best part of it all was the Doctor. Yes he made insults about humans, but he insulted every species. Rose didn’t take the comments to heart. He was nine hundred and beyond a genius after all. Add on his superior physiology and telepathy, and the man was basically a god. Well, as close to a god as she would ever meet, if they existed. Yet, she had never felt inferior to him before. Since the moment she had grabbed that chain and saved his life, the Doctor had treated her as much an equal as to be expected.

Sometimes, when things were too dangerous simply because she was human, he would tell her to stand back. Rose had only disobeyed once, and the reapers had been lesson enough. She knew when he asked her to stay back or go away, it wasn’t because he didn’t want or need her help, it was because he honestly cared about her safety. She may not be book smart, though the TARDIS library was fixing that quickly, and she may not have super senses or advanced stamina, but she had never, ever, felt useless. At least, until now.

It wasn’t that she had disobeyed, because she had done exactly as the Doctor told her to. It wasn’t because she didn’t know how to use that weapon, because a guard had shown her how. It wasn’t because she couldn’t swim, because her mum loved taking her to the beach when she was growing up. It definitely wasn’t because she didn’t know CPR, because she did. Yet, sitting here on this cliff, looking down at the rolling maroon waves that were the reason her blonde hair was matted in red knots, she still felt useless.

Four days they had been on this planet, Amodria. It was beautiful, especially now that the invading race of Mujaen had been driven off. Normally they didn’t stay after an invasion was thwarted, but the Mujaen had released some sort of bacteria into the air that only the Amodrians were susceptible to. The Doctor had issued a quarantine, but with most of the adults in the village sick or wounded, someone needed to watch the children. So Rose had happily volunteered, along with a few of the older teens and elders.

She knew from experience that nothing cheered sad and lonely kids up like a holiday, and since she couldn’t exactly take them to a theme park or another country, a trip to the beach seemed a good idea. They thought they had captured all the Mujaen that didn’t make it to the battle cruisers or were left wounded. They were wrong.

It had happened so fast that Rose didn’t even know what she was doing. The trio of Mujaen had leapt from the jagged cliffs and begun to attack. Her only thought had been to protect the group of kids skipping around her. She grabbed a gun from a fallen guard and fought back. She killed one of them, but the second one had grabbed a child of about seven and ran for the cliffs. Nobody wanted to shoot, not even her, so Rose had took off after them.

The Mujaen was so fast, with his wings that enabled him to glide from outcropping to outcropping. She knew if he made it to the top, the child would never be seen again. Still, she had climbed, ignoring the burning in her lungs and arms. Then a guard fired at the Mujaen mid jump to a smooth ledge. The blaster bolt had hit it’s mark just as he landed. He dropped the child onto the ledge, and Rose had thought it was over. Then the child tried to scramble away, right over the edge and down into the waves.

Rose let go and fell right after the little one. Arms to her chest, feet first, down she went. The waves and current were so strong, and she grabbed the child. She had tried to swim with the waves to shore, but they kept being pulled away. She thought if she could get to the rocks, then maybe she could put the little one up on them, but the waves were so high, and the water choked her as she clung to the tiny girl.

She wanted to cry when the equivalent of a boogie board was shoved under her arms. She had heaved the little girl onto it, while the man who had swam out to them yelled for her to get to shore. There hadn’t been room for all three, but the man was strong. He had made it half way when Rose noticed his strokes growing weaker. It was pure adrenaline as she pushed off the board to force it under him instead. The waves helped now, rushing them inland. She could stand, but the little girl was such a pale shade of blue compared to the rich navy she had been.

Two teens had scooped the little one from the board, but the man wasn’t moving now. Rose hadn’t cared she ached all over or that she could barely breathe. Over and over she pumped his chest while someone gave breaths. The little girl was screaming his name, but she didn’t register it was her eighteen year old brother until an elder pulled her off. “It’s too late.” The woman had whispered as Rose had struggled against her.

None of it was her fault, she knew it. She had done everything she could, but it wasn’t good enough. She was useless. She was just a stupid useless human teenage girl who couldn’t have done anything. “USELESS!” Rose knew screaming wasn’t going to change the funeral pyre below her on the beach. It wasn’t going to bring him back. She didn’t even know his name. She hadn’t even asked, because her brain was too useless to remember.

“You’re not useless.” The Doctor’s voice normally made her turn, but Rose couldn’t face him. “You saved Yuraina’s life.”

“And cost her her brother in the process.” Rose sniffled, wiping her eyes. She couldn’t even stop herself from crying, because her useless emotions kept telling her that she wasn’t good enough.

“Yurono had a breathing condition, similar to severe asthma.” The Doctor had plopped down on the cliff beside her, his jacket rustling. “He was lucky he even reached you, much less make it halfway back to shore.”

“But I should’ve told the guards to check the cliffs and beach before I took the kids.” Rose couldn’t face him. The Doctor was never useless. He always won, always succeeded, always, always knew what to do. “But my stupid human brain was too useless to even think about it.”

“The guards checked it this mornin’, an hour before you lot got there.” The Doctor looped an arm around her shoulder as he spoke, and Rose heard a softness there she’d never thought could come from him. “The Mujaen stragglers came sometime after that.”

“I should’ve taken the shot before he got to high.” Rose wanted to enjoy the feeling of the heavy leather clad arm around her, but she was too numb. “But I was too useless to get a clear shot.”

“Not even a fully trained sniper would’ve taken that shot.” The Doctor pulled her closer, but Rose couldn’t enjoy the hug, not even when he rested his cheek against her hair. “The elders told me everythin’. Rose, what you did was-“

“Not enough!” Rose had been staring at her hands, but then the fire from the pyre had reflected off her rings and drew her gaze. The guilt and regret beat at her again. “Because ‘m useless! What do you know about it, Doctor? ‘Ve never seen you be useless.” The tears were wasted now, and Rose dry sobbed the half shout.

The Doctor’s fingers tightened slightly on her arm for a moment, and for some reason that made her glance sideways at him. There was that heavy look in his eyes, that far away look she couldn’t define. He didn’t refute her this time though. He didn’t try to comfort her or make a quip. Instead her dropped he moved the hand on his lap to the grass.

Rose stared back out at the waves, suspecting she had just said something that struck a nerve. She didn’t know what, but there she had gone again. This time her useless mouth and triple useless self-deprecation had screwed things up. Couldn’t she do anything right? No, because she was just a stupid, useless failure. Movement towards her face made her jerk back, as the Doctor was holding a tiny plant in a handful of sod.

In the combined moonlight and firelight, she could see he had dug it out in such a way the roots hadn’t been harmed. “Breathe on it.” His voice was soft again, with just a tinkle of amusement. “Go on then.” Rose knew it would be pointless to argue or ask, so she did as she was told. She drew in a deep breath and let it exhale out over the purple leaves. “Again.” Rose drew in another deep breath and exhaled again, watching as the leaves rustled. “Keep goin’, you’ll know when to stop.”

Again and again Rose drew in deep breaths and exhaled over the plant. She lost count somewhere around twenty, but then something happened. In between two leaves a little bump began to move, and with a few more breaths, a tiny white bud became visible. Rose swallowed, not sure what was happening, and kept giving the plant breaths. When the tiny flower, no bigger than the bead on a straight pin, revealed itself, she stopped. “It’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t it?” The Doctor pulled it away, and Rose leaned slightly around him to watch him nestle it back into the tiny hole he had taken the plant from. “You made it bloom.”

Rose hadn’t meant to snort in disbelief, but that was a ridiculous statement. “I just breathed on it. Was probably ready to bloom.”

“Plants need carbon dioxide to thrive.” The Doctor brushed his hands off on his pants and draped it back over her shoulder. “An’ human exhales are rich in carbon dioxide, richer than the Amodrians.” Rose still didn’t understand, and she opened her mouth to say so, but the Doctor squeezed her gently against his side. “Every planet you step on, you breathe out carbon dioxide to give life to plants. Plants feed all sorts of animals, those animals then feed other animals or people like you an’ me. So you’re not useless.”

“I-but-“ Rose didn’t have a rebuttal to that. How could she? The Doctor had just shattered her self-flagellation to pieces. She still felt guilty over Yurono’s death, but she had saved Yuraina. She wasn’t sure that made it better though. “It hurts.”

“And it will, but that’s when you have to remember.” Rose had never heard him talk like this, with such a sad but hopeful tone. “If you save even the smallest thing, like a flower, then you are useful. You can help, an’ you can make a difference.” It occurred to her that the Doctor was talking more to himself than her. “Because if you forget, then that’s when you fail.”

“I’ll remember that.” Rose finally relaxed enough to loop her arm around his waist and lean her head against him. The strength and compassion in his own grip on her gave her the courage to look fully at the pyre. Then, somewhere in the city below, the cries of a new baby wafted into the night.

That baby was born into a world that would be safe for another hundred generations, as the Doctor had told her that was how long it would be until the next invasion. Rose had helped make sure of that. The Doctor was right. She wasn’t useless. She may be fallible, but what person wasn’t. Judging by the way the Doctor was staring past the sea below them to the second moon breaching the horizon, he had failed before too. If he had failed, then the result had been more than a brother who sacrificed himself to save his sister and an offworlder.

“If you’re ever ready, Doctor.” Rose tightened her grip around his waist and looked up at his unseeing stare. “You can tell me why you breathe on flowers. ‘Ll always listen.”

“I know, Rose.” The Doctor sighed, those icy eyes coming down to crinkle in a sad smile at her. It never even crossed her mind, as his breath rustled her salt caked hair, that he was doing just that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!

It had been fourteen Earth months since Rose Tyler had run into the TARDIS and let the Doctor whisk her away. Fourteen months to the day. He wasn’t sure why he had gone back for her, because he never made the offer twice. The TARDIS had insisted, and he’d said okay. There was just something about her, about those eyes and that wild smile, that was familiar but he couldn’t remember how. He knew he had never met her before, because he was good with faces. He never, ever forgot a face.

Most days, he gave up wondering. Almost every day actually. However, sometimes something would make him remember what is was he had forgotten to wonder about. There was the time Rose had let some village women, on Tirodiun’s third moon, braid feathers and beads into her hair. The firelight had glistened golden in her eyes, and his mind couldn’t remember who she was. There was the time she had been upset over some movie she and Jack were watching while he tinkered, and Jack had tickled Rose until she was half sobbing half laughing to cheer her up.

“No more!” Like an echo of a memory of a dream of a story, those words had made his hearts pound and his voices in his mind go silent. It seemed the whole universe went silent. Yet, before he could shake himself, Rose had thrown a handful of popcorn at him. In his sputtering distraction, she had stolen his jacket from the back of his chair and promptly curled up to finish the movie. Just like that, the Doctor forgot about it.

Sometimes he woke up, from his weekly sleep, panting and sweating as he assured himself he wasn’t in that barn, with that box, doing that thing, and the Doctor swore Rose had just been whispering in his ear. Then he would remind himself that he dreamed that dream for weeks before he met Rose. Of course his subconscious would have Rose there, in place of the whispering person, as his way to end the nightmare, because she was what kept him sane.

The Doctor couldn’t see the universe for the stars, but with Rose he could stroll from one sun to the other and see it all with renewed passion. She saw everything. From the tiniest insect to the largest nebula, nothing was more important that another to her. She wanted to learn it all, bask in the totality of the cosmos, and yet never ignored anyone. In order to show her, the Doctor had to see it to too. That’s what he told himself anyways, but the truth was simpler than that. Rose was like a drug, and the Doctor couldn’t quit her.

He was addicted to her smile, how it never seemed to stop. It was hard to hate himself when he could feel her utter trust, admiration, and joy battering against his mind every moment they touched. Her laugh, oh, the Doctor craved her laugh. He needed it, almost more than oxygen, and fed his shameful hunger no less than seven times a day. Rose’s mind, that was the heaviest high he could ride. Never once had he strayed into her thoughts, but he could take hit after hit at what her brilliant mind could bring. She was so smart, so quick witted, clever to a fault, and just so pure in her wonder. Everything was new to her, and nothing scared her.

That’s why he was following the smell of her shampoo down the corridor to the galley. The Doctor had just woken from that nightmare again, and his plan was to go tinker or read until she and Jack woke up, but her essence had filled the hall. All he needed was a smile, maybe a hug, to chase the ghosts away. He was itching for it, so much so he had nearly forgotten to throw on a shirt. “Hey you.” That voice, coming from the pantry, was instant instant injection straight to his system, and he could stop shaking.

“You’re up late.” The tea kettle was whistling, so he took it off to fill the cup waiting nearby and get his own. “Everythin’ alright?”

Rose came out of the pantry, her face looking a bit pained as she shrugged and held out the sugar bowl. “Nasty headache ‘s all. Took some paracetamol before you came in, thought I’d have some tea to help me relax.”

The Doctor’s instant response was to want to run a full exam, because that’s how he was. Yet, he could taste the air around her, hear her heart rate and breathing. It was just a headache, humans had them sometimes. “Should use honey instead of sugar.” He plucked the sugar bowl from Rose’s hand. “Trust me.”

“Always trust you, ta.” There it was, that smile, HIS smile. He could breathe easier now. Rose pulled the honey down and measured it into her cup. “But no sugar for you either.” She shoved the bottle in his hand. Her smile faltered as she shook head, and he saw the wince.

“You know paracetamol only masks the pain.” The Doctor was just babbling, looking for an excuse to have those whiskey eyes focused on him. If he could see her eyes, he could ground himself in the reality instead of the memories. “Headaches are actually caused by either too much or too little blood flow to the brain. If you apply pressure to the vertebral artery, it can help reduce or promote the blood flow.”

“English, Doctor.” Rose chuckled but winced as if it was painful. “Hurts too try and keep up with you right now.” She closed her eyes and took another sip.

“Sit and rest your head on your arms.” The Doctor put his tea aside. He wasn’t drinking it anyway, because it wouldn’t give him the relaxation he needed. Touch would though, especially her touch. He needed another dose of her, since that smile was gone, so he guided Rose to a chair and she did as he said. “Just gonna-“ He brushed her hair away from her neck to expose the smooth skin there.

“Now what?” Rose’s voice was muffled by her sleeves, but he heard her.

“We apply pressure.” The Doctor held back a sigh as he placed his fingers just below her skull on either side of Rose’s neck and began to make slow rolling presses. “If the artery is constricted, this’ll relax it and allow for bloodflow. If it’s dilated, it will restrict it to reduce the bloodflow.”

“Mmmm, you could’ve jus’ said massage.” Rose’s soft sigh was a new type of rush. That tone had never been directed at him before. “Blimey tha’ feels amazin.” The tension in her posture melted under his fingers, and the Doctor finally relaxed too. He could think, see, and breathe now because he was helping.

Breathe in and exhale out, the Doctor regulated them in time to his touches. The barn dissipated, the box vanished, and the sounds of screaming fading. Deep breath in to smell Rose on the air. Exhale out to watch her pain fade away. In again to hear her sigh and out once more to bring her relief. He didn’t feel useless, because Rose needed his help. Her skin chased away his demons, and the sound of her breathing washed away his guilt. He had to stop the pain so he didn’t have to focus on his.

The Doctor was so focused on his task, on coaxing her relief out that he didn’t pay attention to the time. Time didn’t exist in the TARDIS anyway, or so he tried to tell everyone. It was the deep, even breathing coming from his blonde flower that made him circle back to himself, and he realized she was fast asleep. There, see, he had a purpose even in the TARDIS. He had helped. It was a little help, just a microscopic sliver compared to the horrors he had waged, but help nonetheless.

“Rose.” The Doctor slid his hands from her neck to her shoulders. “Rose, wake up.” She was too far lost in dreamland to come back now, but he couldn’t leave her there. Gingerly he scooped her against his chest, carrying her to her bedroom.

He smiled as he laid her gently on the sheets and brushed her hair from her face. There she was, so sweet and innocent and wild, oblivious to the nightmares that she had helped chase away. Pulling her blanket up, the Doctor thought he may be able to get his last five hours of rest in. So he turned to tiptoe out.

“‘M I your flower?” Rose’s voice made him freeze, and the Doctor glanced back. She was still fast asleep, her eyebrows narrowed and lips in a concerned line. “Hold my hand.”

Oh her wonderful brain, showing her his truth only in her sleep. The Doctor could resist the soft mumble of her voice, so he crossed the carpet and climbed up next to her. Turning onto his side, he asked the TARDIS to turn off the lights and grasped Rose’s fingers on the sheets between them. The worry faded away from him too, as he breathed across her face. “Yeah, you are.” He admitted, knowing she’d never remember. Then, knowing that the sound of her heart and feel of her skin would be there even in his dreams, he let sleep tugged him under and there was no barn or box waiting for him. Just a quiet garden filled with roses and wolves calling in the distance.

 

 


End file.
